*THE QUIET SPACE IS SCREAMING AT ME*
I wonder how much longer I will do this.
It is almost comical at this point.
I pursue
I slip
I stop pursuing
I regain my footing
I climb my way back
I get ready to turn the corner and then…
I SLIP AGAIN!!!
I would love for my journey to be a continual incline that I am ever increasing up. However, a lot of times I make my journeys hill steeper than it really is or has to be and I slide back down to places I should have gotten well past.
The words of Jesus kicked my teeth in today. In John 5 he talks of how the approval of the religious elite and pious means nothing to him.
The reason he says is, “Because I know you don’t have God’s love within you.”
I began to wonder today if Jesus wasn’t screaming that out to me.
I mean…
I love him
I really do
It is just that my actions don’t always reflect my heart. I do the same thing to Jesus that I do to the ones that I love the most.
I deeply love them, but again my actions towards them do not truly reflect my heart towards them. It is so true that we hurt the ones closest to us. I don’t know if it is because we know that they will forgive us, or if we are simply showing our true nature.
So here I sit in a quiet living room.
Kids are in school
Wife is at work
I am here with nothing more than the hum of the A/C
Ryan Adams song “City Rain, City Streets” playing softly
The Word cuddled up to my right side whispering wisdom to my tired ears
And a world out the front door to my left screaming anything but….
Today I long to die to self and am thankful for new mercies each morning. My hope is that I can truly move in the direction of Him today. My desire is that He is enough for me today. My plea is that all of us would realize that He is enough and that even when our actions don’t reflect our heart…we know that He still longs for you and for me.
11 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a GENTLE WHISPER. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
——————————
I hope the screams can be yielded to the gentle whisper. Funny how satan has conditioned us to hear lound in our quiet places, he is hoping to mute the Whisper…
Oh my goodness! So good to know that i’m not the only one that feels this way! I just went on a walk and talked to the Lord about all of this.
Thanks for being honest and posting this.